Part 1: How to Get Married After Age 50
When single women, especially those older than 35, found out I was engaged, they wanted to touch me. They weren’t kinky or anything, they just wanted whatever “it” was that I had to “rub off” on them. And I totally understood. Anyone over the age of 50 (like me) who finds love and happiness and solidifies it by actually getting married is like a unicorn: rooted in some semblance of reality but mystical and therefore simply unbelievable. So during my engagement period, February to September 2016, there were a whole lot of women who gave me a laying on of hands – strange women, women I’d known forever, white women, Asian women, Hispanic women, rich women, poor women, corporate women, blue collar women, beautiful women, homely women, fat women, thin women, Southern women, Northern women, urban women, suburban women but especially Black women. My Sistahs lit up like Christmas trees at the possibility that love could still be on the horizon for a Black woman after a certain age. They rubbed me so hard I almost bruised.
My wedding, which some dubbed “the wedding of the century,” thrust me into the role of constantly answering all the single ladies’ favorite question: “HOW?” As in: “HOW did you two meet?” “HOW did you get him to commit?” “HOW did you get him to MARRY YOU?!” Well, girls, let’s pour a cup of tea, Kermit the Frog style. I have nine tips to share with you on how to get yourself married. Here are the first three. The other tips will follow in How to Get Married After Age 50 Part 2 and Part 3.
No. 1: Make the Decision
It started out simply enough. After 16 years of being a divorced single mother, I decided I wanted to be married again. Before any of us can take a first step toward whatever it is we want to accomplish in life, we have to DECIDE that it is something we really WANT. Some of us never get to this point. We tell ourselves we’re happy, or at least okay, with our single lives. We tell ourselves we don’t have time for love. We tell ourselves we need to devote our time to our children or our jobs. We tell ourselves the guy we’re dating will come around eventually. We leave our porch lights on and hope for the best – that it will “just happen” one day if it is God’s will. And we subconsciously decide to do nothing about finding true love. I used to joke that I was perfectly content in the basement of my home because I had everything I needed down there. Then my basement flooded. The wake-up call for me was when I had to rely on my Facebook friends’ husbands who lived four states away to walk me through this crisis. I was alone and on my own. And I didn’t want that any more. So I made the decision right then and there that since my son would soon be graduating from high school, it was time for me to get married again.
No. 2: Let it be Known You Want to Get Married
I told anyone who would listen that I was looking for a husband. I did not keep it a secret. Nor should you. Who can help you if you keep it a secret? And here’s a special bonus tip for you successful professional women: no one wants to help you if you act like you’ve got everything figured out yourself. So humble yourself and put it out there. Because I announced it on Facebook, my friends held me accountable. It was friends who introduced me to my future husband. It happened at a birthday party I really hadn’t wanted to go to.
No. 3: De-clutter Your life
If your life is overwhelmed with frivolous people, worthless friendships and needy family members who usurp your time and energy, you need to spring clean your life. Doing so opens up space for a good man to fit in. I de-cluttered. I scaled back. I extracted myself from meaningless friendships and associates. And I freed up my schedule just in case someone asked me out. You may be tempted to ignore this advice, but don’t. You’ll be amazed at how freeing it can be to feel clutter free!